


There Is Always Enough Blame to Go Around

by Rjslpets



Series: Therapeutic Conversations [8]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Taking responsibility, Therapy is Awesome, adult conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-03 09:38:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10241738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rjslpets/pseuds/Rjslpets
Summary: So this is a new series with my favorite therapists, Dr. Sorens (with Tony) and Dr. Bortich (with Steve). In each chapter, Tony or Steve is going to think about what they screwed up in the whole CW saga.





	1. Keeping Your Nose Out of Other People's Lives

**Author's Note:**

> If you are going to say that you are setting the movie in 'the real world' I am going to assume that the world is working normally. Therefore, I don't think that vigilante paramilitary groups should be running around doing what they want. So I am not going to be discussing the Accords in this series. Instead, this is about the personal bad decisions that the two lead characters made that contributed to the mess. I might do some other characters as well - so make suggestions.

There was something different about Tony Stark in this session Dr. Soren noticed. He normally wandered about her office at the start of a session, playing with the objects on the shelves (put there for that purpose), and avoiding any conversation as long as possible. This time, he had walked in, sat down and told her that he wanted to talk about something that he and his friend, James Rhodes, had discussed last night.

“I was totally wrong about the Wanda situation. I know that we have talked about taking away agency, but I’m talking about something else. I was talking to Rhodey last night and I suddenly realized that I never should have been involved at all.”

Dr. Sorens nodded for him to go on, careful to keep all emotion off her face. Internally, she was raising her eyebrows at this insight. But she didn’t want to distract him from the breakthrough she thought he had made.

“I wasn’t involved in the Lagos thing. That was all Rogers and Romanov, so I had no reason to be involved in any of the consequences for Wanda. She was in legal trouble because Nigeria was calling for her head and her visa was in jeopardy so I jumped in to take care of the situation. But that wasn’t my place. I should have kept my nose out of the whole thing.”

“Ok, what do you think should have happened?”

“Her visa was gotten for her work with the Avengers through my lawyers, my personal ones, not SI. They called me when the news about Lagos came out and made it clear that they needed to talk to Wanda right away about her legal status.  I should have just told them to go ahead, but I (totally wrongly) told them I would handle it. The lawyers would have told her that her visa was in jeopardy and that she needed to lay low and keep quiet while they made sure it wasn’t revoked. Nigeria wanted her head and they have an extradition treaty with the US. If the US revoked her visa, she was going to be in a Nigerian jail so fast her head would spin.”

Tony paused here and stared out the window of the office. His voice became softer and slower, “I just reacted to fix the situation, because I always fix things. But this wasn’t something that I _could_ fix or had any part in. She needed to hear about what was going on from a neutral party, like the lawyers. Instead, I went around her because I decided I had to ‘fix’ things and I knew she wouldn’t listen to me. I guess that is what people mean when they say I am being egotistical, pushing myself into situations that I shouldn’t be in.”

“I think,” Dr. Sorens paused and then went on, “that the last thing you said is, in fact, true. When you assume that you are the only person who can act in a situation, you are being egotistical. So, here comes the big question, what have you learned from this?”

“Well, even if I feel guilty about something, that doesn’t mean that it’s on me to fix it. My urge to fix a situation is often about me not wanting to be powerless, and that doesn’t automatically translate into I should be doing anything.”

“So you and Rhodey discussed Wanda?”

“No, it was about him. I thought of the Wanda thing in the middle of the night. But, this morning, I told him that I would back off the constant tinkering with the braces until he tells me he wants a new version.”

Dr. Sorens, later, placed a special little doodle in her notes – the one that indicated that a client had made a major breakthrough.


	2. Walking Out of Discussions Sends a Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's turn to think about his mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, although we are not told this, I can't imagine that Rhodes was going on a lot of these unauthorized missions with the Avengers since the military would have had a fit. a member of the US military crossing borders without authorization to participate in armed conflict? That is one of the clear grounds for declaring war, so not gonna happen. So, I am assuming that he wasn't around for the majority of the missions.
> 
> BTW - before you comment, note in the script, Steve really did just walk out saying he had to leave in the middle of one of the most important discussions that the Avengers have ever had without an explanation.

If there is one trait that Steve Rogers had, Dr. Bortich reflected, it is that once he committed to an action, he went whole hog. The therapist had suggested that they look at the events of the ‘civil war’ as a use case of sorts to help Steve continue to improve his empathy skills and his understanding of how his own actions impacted other people. Over the last few sessions, Steve had related in chronological order all of the events he had experienced around the ‘civil war’ to Dr. Bortich in exhaustive detail. Each session, they would select a single aspect of the events to examine; today it was the discussion among the Avengers about the Accords. Dr. Bortich’s attention had been caught by something in Steve’s version of events.

“So you got up and left the meeting?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you say anything to anyone?”

“I said that I had to go. I told Sam later that Peggy had died.”

“Steve, what message do you think your leaving sent to your teammates?”

 “I’m not sure what you mean?”

“Well, you have mentioned that you felt that Tony wasn’t open to any discussion, right?”

“Yeah, he had pretty much decided on the Accords and he didn’t listen to anyone.”

“Steve, you say “The safest hands are our own” and then walk out of the discussion saying you have to go. Do you think that signaled _you_ were open to discussion to Tony?”

Steve looked stunned as if this aspect of the situation had not occurred to him, “But I had just gotten the news that Peggy died! I had to leave! They should understand that.”

“Steve, you just said that you didn’t tell anyone except Sam and he left with you. How could the others know about Peggy’s death if you didn’t tell them? They can only see your actual behavior, not your thoughts or intentions, remember? So, keeping that in mind, do you think that your actions might have contributed to the lack of discussion about the Accords and helped to escalate the situation?”

Steve didn’t look like he was convinced and the therapist decided to try another approach that had worked with Steve before – calling to something in his own experience and getting Steve to see the parallels. “Steve, would you have said that you were the leader of the Avengers at that point? The one that the others generally followed?”

“Yes – well, Rhodes would sometimes strongly suggest changes – but he is an experienced officer - and he wasn’t there all the time.” Steve started out strong, but then seemed to consider his words.

“So, you basically were giving the orders, even if it was in consultation with the others?” At Steve’s nod, Dr. Bortich continued, “In World War II, if there was a meeting of the generals, discussing a plan, and Eisenhower said that he didn’t like the plan and then walked out of the room, do you think the remaining generals would continue to discuss the plan that Eisenhower just said he didn’t like.”

“No, but it isn’t the same thing! I mean the Avengers aren’t a military unit and there isn’t that chain of command.”

“Well, actually, although Eisenhower was the lead, he was working with generals who were from other nations and they were not under his command. So, given that, what do you think the effect would be?”

“I guess they would probably look for another plan if Eisenhower didn’t approve and walked out. Because walking out would signal that he wasn’t open to discussion.” Steve said slowly, “So, you are saying that one of the reasons we all stopped talking was because I left to go to Peggy’s funeral.”

“Without telling anyone in the room why you were leaving. If you are arguing with someone about something and they state a position and then they walk out, you would assume they are not interested in talking anymore about the topic. I think you have to take some responsibility for the breakdown of discussion and the way that everyone’s position solidified.”

“But Tony wasn’t open to any discussion!” Dr. Bortich just looked at him and Steve thought for a moment and then continued more sadly, “But I was the one who first walked out of the discussions that we did have. I guess I really didn’t see how my behavior would affect everyone.”


	3. The Age of Consent in New York Is 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The situation with Spider Man *shakes head*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is short because really it is indefensible. You don't haul a 15 year old out of the country to a rumble in an airport - no matter how powerful they are. You also don't allow said 15-year-old to run around being a superhero. No one has the ability to decide to do that at 15. Some people may be forced into it by circumstances, but it shouldn't be on the table as a choice.
> 
> I love Spider Man and I loved the comics when I was young, but now I am like - how could anyone allow a child to do that? We don't live in a lawless society and we have ADULT people to deal with bad situations. Peter can wait until he is 18 to super hero.
> 
> Finally, the UN has banned the use of child soldiers, so I doubt they would even admit him under the Accords and the police wouldn't work with him because a 15-year-old has diminished responsibility under the law. But I am willing to 'wave hands' in the comics and have that all worked out so Peter has back up.

“The age of consent in New York is 17 (14 if both parties are under 17), the drinking age is 21 and you can’t vote until you’re 18. These limits all exist because society recognizes that young people are not generally capable of making complex choices well, especially thinking through consequences.” The therapist’s voice was calm, but Tony winced anyways.

“He was already working as a hero on the streets of New York! Nothing I say is going to stop that!”

“But does he have the understanding to make that decision? Given how the decision to be Iron Man has impacted your entire life, do you think that it is a decision that a 15 year old should make? Especially without discussion with the people responsible for him?”

“No.” His shoulders slumped and Tony suddenly looked old and tired, “I shouldn’t have involved him in the whole situation. I mean, the Accords would have affected him sooner or later, but I should have backed off when I realized how young he was.” They had been discussing allies when it had slipped out that Spider Man was an adolescent and Dr. Sorens had immediately focused on the fact. Since she rarely allowed redirection, this action had startled Tony. They had been discussing Spider Man for the better part of 45 minutes and the therapist had blasted through almost all of Tony’s excuses.

“You have an obligation to tell his aunt. His actions could disrupt the rest of his life. According to what you told me, he is very intelligent and has enormous potential. If something happens while he is working as a ‘hero’” he could hear the air quotes, “it could derail him from any kind of normal life. He could lose the chance to go to college, get married, have a career. Young people don’t think that far ahead, but you should.”

“I am not sure I can stop him. Actually, I know that I can’t stop him.” After a few seconds of the Look from Dr. Sorens, Tony wilted, “No, you are right. I can’t stop him, but I can tell his aunt (although he will hate me) and I can make sure that he is working within a framework that gives him support.”

“I would suggest that you just give him a deadline to tell his aunt, after which you will do it if he doesn’t. That way he has control over the process and can decide what to do. I would also point out to him that he is putting her at substantial risk of being accused of child abuse due to his injuries or of being harmed by one of the enemies he is making. If you could figure out who he is, other people can as well. As for the support, that will depend on what his aunt is willing to allow, but if he has law enforcement backup, it will be easier for him when something goes wrong.”

“And something _will_ go wrong. I do know that.”

“Tony” this was said gently, “all young people get angry at adults for blocking them. However, if you are blocking him because you care about him, then he will eventually recognize that. He will be angry, but relationships can withstand anger. And you would be doing the right thing and, given what you have told me about Spider Man, I think he will forgive you.”


	4. I Really Didn't Think of It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Dr. Bortich and the responsibilities of leadership.
> 
> This one was really hard to write. 
> 
> Also, note that if you believe that Stark was the only one at fault in CW, you can read the odd chapters only.

“Talk me through your decision to ask Clint Barton to get Wanda Maximoff and join you at the airport.”

The request took Steve off-guard; that didn’t seem to him to be a major point, but he answered, “I needed to free Wanda from the Compound and he was stateside.”

“Why didn’t you just call Wanda and ask her to come?”

“Tony had her imprisoned in the Compound!”

“So you didn’t try and contact Wanda?” Steve shook his head and the therapist went on, “So you called Clint Barton and told him to get Wanda (who you hadn’t talked to) and bring her into this argument. Did you explain to either of them that they would be assisting you in something that was illegal?”

“We were protecting the world…”

Dr. Bortich interrupted, “I didn’t ask about your intentions, I asked if you warned either of them that they were about to participate in a mission that would result in them becoming criminals?”

“Clint was fine with being called.”

“Why do you think he was fine with being called when you hadn’t explained the situation to him?”

“Clint trusted me; he always has.”

The therapist spoke in a considering tone, “He trusted you? Because you were the leader of the Avengers?” Steve nodded and Dr. Bortich continued, “So, he and Wanda trusted you to make the right call, so to speak, and that if you called them, it was because you needed them and they would be on the right side of the argument.”

“Yes.” Steve was confused about where the therapist was heading with this line of discussion.

“Steve, when you say they trusted you, what do you think that meant, other than that you were choosing correctly?” In response to the continued confusion on Steve’s face, he explained, “The relationship between leaders and their followers is one of trust in the best circumstances. What do you think that means for the leader and the followers?”

“Well, the followers trust that the leader will make good decisions.”

“Yes, but what does that mean to you?”

“That he, the leader, will look at the situation and choose the right course of the action. That they can be sure that when they follow, he is making a good choice.”

“OK – so you think that the trust they have in the leader is just about the situation? You don’t think that there is any belief or reliance that the leader will consider the well-being of the followers? That Clint and Wanda assumed, based on that trust, that you would not ask them to do something that could be actually harmful to them without at least mentioning that?”

“Well, they knew there would be a fight and they might get hurt. But that happened any time the Avengers were called out…”

“No, Steve, I am asking if you thought to talk them through the consequences? Wanda has had her visa revoked and she cannot return to Sokovia. She is now a woman without a country in a very real way. Clint Barton had to move his family and his relationships with his wife and best friend have been significantly damaged. Even those of your team that you did not call, such as Vision and Rhodes, have been damaged by your actions. Rhodes is paralyzed and you sent an assassin to attack Vision. In fact, all of your teammates who called you leader have wound up in a far worse position than before the disagreement.” This was a lot more heated than the therapist generally allowed himself to get, but he had been trying to make this point to Steve for a while and even therapists have a breaking point, “Steve, try and put yourself in the place of your team members; wouldn’t you assume that a trusted leader would think about your welfare? Especially when calling you into a situation that you weren’t involved in?”

At first Steve just looked startled by the vehemence, but then his expression became thoughtful and, finally, disturbed. “I asked them to help me save the world…”

“How was the world threatened by five super soldiers? I mean there were only five of them, and they were in Siberia, frozen, in an isolated base. This was not an immediate emergency situation. Not to mention the fact that you had the flight to Germany to at least explain the circumstances so that everyone understood the possible ramifications. Steve, let me be blunt, you had a great deal to gain in protecting Barnes and not talking to the others about the possible consequences. But everyone who followed you only had things to lose and I want to know if you thought about that.”

“I…that is…” then Steve fell silent and when he spoke, it was after a long pause, “I didn’t think about it like that; I would never have thought of it like that. But, you’re right about one thing; I didn’t think about what everyone might lose. When I think of it – especially with someone like Scott who wasn’t even involved - I really didn’t think of it.”

And a heavy silence fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, this was hard to write! Even the therapist lost his temper. However, I think it is something that Steve Rogers needs to consider that at the end of the movie, he is the only one that has what he wants - Bucky. Everyone else is far worse off. Romanoff on the run, Barton and Lang separated from their families, Rhodes paralyzed, Vision traumatized, Maximoff's visa gone, Stark left with an emotional gut wound, and Wilson's whole life destroyed. 
> 
> At some point, as the leader, Steve Rogers needs to take responsibility for how that happened and for how he got a bunch of people involved because they trusted him. And I do believe that they did think that he wouldn't put them in a situation that cause them to lose their freedom and their families without at least telling them. 
> 
> Also, how are four people, frozen in Siberia, an imminent threat to the world? Even super soldiers would probably need a while to thaw out and get moving. It's not like you can put them in a microwave and push the defrost button.


	5. No Scenario In Which That Goes Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a change, Tony and Rhodey have a talk

“Hey Tones?”

Tony mumbled in response, his mind totally consumed by the coding he was doing. Rhodes and he were sitting in the sun in the penthouse. They had moved back about two months ago as neither of them had any particular attachment to the compound. Tony had assumed that Vision did and didn’t want to leave hir on hir own. But Vision had announced that zhe was taking courses at the Institute of Culinary Education in Manhattan and that zhe thought they should all move back to the Tower and leave the Compound to the training of the new Accords teams (Dr. Sorens had insisted on all of them using gender neutral pronouns for the android to respect hir unique existence). So now they were all back in the city and, frankly, Tony was finding it better.

“Tones, why didn’t you sit Rogers down earlier and tell him about the Accords? I mean, you told me about them just after Sokovia.”

Tony was shocked out of his programming daze, “What?”

“Why didn’t you tell him earlier? Let me be clear,” Rhodes had his hand up to stop Tony from just babbling, “I think he should have known. He styled himself the leader of the team and part of that is keeping up with anything that affects the team and this qualified. But, I’ve been thinking the whole mess through and I can’t figure out why you didn’t tell him.”

Tony thought about his conversations with Dr. Sorens and the long discussions dissecting motivations and fears. “Do you think it would have made a difference?” he finally asked (“Ducking the question” the therapist pointed out in his mind).

“No, I think Rogers had too much to lose if people were looking over his shoulder. With someone to answer to, he would have had to explain his search for Barnes and then who Barnes was. He wouldn’t have risked it. But that really isn’t an answer; just cause he wouldn’t behave well, isn’t a reason to not tell him.”

“I know. But, I was wrapped up in trying to _fix_ things then. Frankly, I also didn’t want to talk to him; things between us were so tense and the disapproval was so stifling. Unless it was about new gear or…well anything that wasn’t at all critical, there was no conversation. Besides I knew he would blow the situation up, although I didn’t think he would literally blow up a city and an airport. But Rogers doesn’t do diplomatic and I thought I could manage the situation. And I was, Platypus, until Lagos…”

“Yeah, that blew the wheels off the wagon. But you should have told him, Tony. If he blew the situation, he did. But, in spite of all he has done, and he has done a lot, blindsiding him was not going to go well in any scenario.”

“Well, I promise the next time over 100 countries are planning to tell him to stop rampaging over their borders, I will tell him as soon as I hear even a whisper.”

Vision floated up through the floor then and asked them to come try the Beef Wellington zhe had just finished practicing for class. Rhodey groaned as Tony pulled him up, “Tones, I love JARVIS’ kid, but if zhe keeps cooking like this, I am going to be too fat for the braces, let alone War Machine!” Tony was laughing as they wandered into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is something that I think Tony did wrong. He wasn't on the Avengers as far as we know and he shouldn't be trying to negotiate without them being aware. I do think that Steve would have kicked and yelled no matter when Tony told him, but Tony should have told him.
> 
> Please note that none of this has anything to do with what Steve should/should not do, this is just about Tony.
> 
> BTW - Rhodes brings it up because he is one of the only people in MCU who understands that teams are supposed to share information.


	6. How Come You Didn't Know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Sam and who should have known what...

“How come you didn’t know about the Accords?”

Steve almost tripped over his own feet at the question. He and Sam were out jogging together which actually meant that they were at Green Lake and Steve was consistently lapping Sam. He had just caught up to Sam for the third time when the man asked the question. Sam threw it over his shoulder like it didn’t mean anything, but Steve could tell that there was something significant in it. He slowed so he stayed beside Sam. “Not sure what you mean? I found out about the Accords when Ross and Stark showed up; Stark hadn’t put me in the loop before.”

Sam stopped for a moment and then started walking, causing Steve to also slow to a walk, “About that, I went back and looked. Turns out the UN is pretty open about its discussions. I found records online going back to just after Ultron. There was press coverage as well. Hell, _Frontline_ did a program on it and all of them mentioned the Avengers. So, why didn’t you know?”

There was silence between them and, before Steve could decide on a response, Sam spoke again, “I mean, I should have known as well, right? A Google alert would have told us, but we didn’t know. And I can give myself this that it wasn’t my responsibility to know, but you were the leader and how did you not know that something like this was happening?”

“I told you, Stark didn’t tell me.”

“Stark wasn’t an active Avenger, so why was it his responsibility? I know that Stark had arranged to fund the Avengers but he had no active role, so why was he the one paying attention and not you?” As the silence lengthened, Sam sighed and tried again, “Did you and Stark have an agreement that he would be responsible for this kind of information? The only time I saw him was when he came by with upgrades or to hang out with Rhodes. So did you meet with him on a regular basis?”

“No.” Steve replied, thinking that this was another aspect of his behavior that he hadn’t thought through. He had never thought past the fact that Tony hadn’t told him; he hadn’t thought about how or why Tony should have told him.

“No, you didn’t have an agreement? Or you didn’t meet with him regularly? Because either of those being a negative means that I don’t have any reason to be mad at Stark for not telling us. If there was no agreement that he was supposed to pay attention and tell us about the Accords, then no one can blame him for not telling us – not his job. And, frankly, between all of us being mad at him about Ultron and Wanda’s hostility, if you weren’t meeting with him on a regular basis, I can see how he wouldn’t seek us out until he had to. So, Steve, if you didn’t ask Stark to pay attention to political stuff that affected us, then why weren’t you?”

“Sam, you know that I’m not good at that stuff! I’m still just a guy from 1930s Brooklyn and all that political stuff…”

Sam interrupted him, “Steve, you are the leader of the Avengers! It is your responsibility to pay attention to ‘all that political stuff!’ Or at least make sure that someone was! We have all been pointing fingers at Stark for not telling us, but now it turns out that we should have been pointing our fingers at you.” Sam stalked off down the path.

Steve watched him go, knowing that now was not the time to follow the man. As he watched Sam disappear, Steve thought about what he had said. It was true that he had never asked Tony to take care of the political/public relations side of the Avengers, but Tony had always done it. But, after Ultron…

Suddenly, Steve remembered a conversation with Dr. Bortich. They had been talking about his role in the Avengers and Dr. Bortich had pointed out the same thing that Sam had, but nicely. The therapist had basically said that Steve wanted all of the privileges of being the leader, but not to do any of the less pleasant duties. Steve had objected, saying that he had acted the same with the Howling Commandos and there hadn’t been any problems. Dr. Bortich had countered by pointing out that the Commandos had been full of trained soldiers, including at least two experienced NCOs, and, since they were a military unit, the NCOs felt empowered to do their jobs. The problem, the therapist argued, was that the Avengers had never had any of those discussions and that was because _Steve_ hadn’t set up such discussions. Steve had argued, but now, watching Sam disappear, he admitted that it was more than possible that he hadn’t been a responsible leader.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a companion piece to the last chapter. I do think that Steve did not act the way a good leader should in CA:CW in many ways and his refusal to engage with the world is one of them.
> 
> I currently have 3 more chapters planned for this sequence.


	7. Sparkley Purple Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are many ways to speak of love and Tony needs to use more of them.

Tony glanced at Dr. Sorens and then quickly looked away. Their last few sessions had been exhausting, delving into the disaster that was his relationship with Obie. She had been his support as he worked through the profound conflicting emotions that surrounded his relationship with the man who he loved and hated in almost equal measure. He had realized that as much as he hated Obie for his treachery, he missed him as well – the man who slipped him sweets and turned up at MIT to take him and Rhodey out to dinner. Dr. Sorens had assured him repeatedly during those sessions that feelings were almost always conflicting and complex, neither wrong nor right. At the end of the last session, he had told her he needed a break. She agreed and told him that he could choose any subject for this current session. So he had shown up determined to return to a familiar topic and work it through.

“I’ve been talking to Rhodey again. About the Avengers and he said that I took on way more than I should. So I was thinking about my time with the Avengers, both when I was with them and after, and I think he might be right. But it is like a compulsion with me – I see something wrong and I want to _fix it_.” His voice rose slightly as he spoke.

After waiting to see if he would continue, the therapist spoke, “Fixing things can give the feeling that you have control over a situation or at least input into how it turns out. Does that sound like it might be a reason?”

“But I don’t act that way about SI! I barely pay attention to the company. So why for the stupid Avengers?”

“I don’t think that is true of SI – there may be a little bit of hyperbole in there?” Tony grinned at her, “You certainly spend time on SI projects and you have told me how you worried about the impact of all this on the company.”

“A little, I do care about the company, but when something goes wrong, I am fine with letting Pepper handle it. I don’t jump in and fix it myself unless she wants my help. So why with the Avengers, do I find myself jumping in all…the…time? There was the situation with Wanda, the Accords, dealing with the after effects of Steve’s hunt for red hydra…It just seems like I am constantly fixing things. Like, even now, they are all hiding away and I am working my ass off trying to fix everything!”

“Is your motivation for working on the Accords now about fixing things for them? Because that is not the motivation that you talked about before.”

Tony paused and reconsidered what he had said, “No, I am working on the Accords for me, I guess. I don’t like politics all that much, but I think that the Accords are the right thing. Otherwise we are just going to keep getting situations where people do whatever they want because they have power. Anarchy isn’t a good look on anyone. But it really does seem like I did all the work in the relationship.”

“Doing things for others, service, is a form of expressing love. You often call yourself a mechanic. Could ‘fixing things’ be a way that you showed affection?”

“Well, duh!” There was a pause. Dr. Sorens had become an expert at the pregnant pause, at least with Tony. “Is that a problem when you do that? Is that not normal?”

“No, it’s fine. But other people may not perceive it as affection because different people express love differently and they could misinterpret the actions if there are no words. For example, sometimes people want to just complain; they just want someone to listen and not fix. I explained this to my mother once,” the therapist smiled at Tony, “that sometimes when I was expressing frustration with a situation, I just wanted her to listen. She now tells me all the time that she is ‘affirming me’. It gets really annoying.” The last sentence was delivered in a deadpan tone that got a laugh out of Tony.

“So, like when I made the braces for Rhodey and I kept talking about them, instead of letting him tell me about him?”

“Or when you had to listen to Vision tell you about hirs feelings?” Tony winced; it had been one of the most _uncomfortable_ series of sessions; not stressful as the discussions around his family were, but full of awkward silences as they both waited for Vision to articulate hir emotions. The android was only about 5 and, although a brilliant sentient being with enough power to rule the planet, zhe had never had to translate profound emotions to speech. Dr. Sorens had made Tony wait quietly for Vision to talk. “In that case, you needed to listen and not fix. We could work on some exercises that you could do fi you want to. There are also ways to analyze conversations and behaviors that can help identify what the other person needs from you, and, of course, you can just ask.”

“So, it is fine to offer to fix things or to say I could fix something, but not to just do it?”

“Depends on your relationship with the person. For example, Col. Rhodes was fine with you creating the braces without asking him, because your relationship with him and his knowledge of you allowed him to understand that you were expressing yourself by making them. With the other members of your old team, perhaps they didn’t know that much about you and you might have done too much without telling them. Communication is always key – you have to tell people what you are doing and why if you want to avoid misinterpretation.”

Tony made a face to convey his distaste of ‘communications’ although, Dr. Sorens noted, he did not reject the idea which was a huge leap forward. Later that night she awarded the notes from the session a sparkly purple star.


	8. Taking Responsiblity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follow up to the conversation with Sam in Chapter 6. Steve and Dr. Bortich talk about morality and decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was tough!!!! It is based on my observation during the movie that Steve seems to construct situations as offering him no choices, when, in fact, he is making choices. But by saying he had no choice, he can blame others for forcing him into a corner and then the consequences are their responsibility not his. i also see this in his apology letter at the end of the film where he again ducks out of saying that he had any responsibility for the pain Tony suffered.
> 
> I want to emphasize that Dr. Bortich is not saying that Steve's decisions were good or bad, just that Steve needs to own his actions and the consequences.

“Sam got mad at me yesterday and said that he blamed me for not knowing about the Accords. For not paying attention enough and that it was my responsibility as the leader.” The therapist watched Steve and thought about why people liked the man. He was looking Dr. Bortich in the eye, and his manner was straightforward. If this was a problem, than Steve wanted to know and he wanted the therapist to tell him.

“Since you’re starting the session with this, you must have an opinion…or at least some thoughts. Why don’t we start with those?”

“I think” Steve started slowly, “that he was right in a way. I should’ve been paying attention. At least, I should have made an effort to talk to Tony on a regular basis. Because he was the one who dealt with all of the political and PR stuff.” Steve made a face.

“You don’t like the political and PR stuff?”

“No, it makes me uncomfortable and it seems so fake, like me punching Hitler in the show. Just a bunch of people with agendas and not doing anything.”

“So you think that communicating your intentions and plans isn’t important? That working with others to accomplish goals is ‘not doing anything’?” the therapist didn’t have one eyebrow raised, but his voice made up for the lack of facial expression.

“No, but that’s not what Tony did! He would just fake out the reporters.”

“Did Tony lie about what you did when he used to hold the news conferences when he was part of the Avengers? The rest of you never really did that much public speaking if I remember correctly.”

“No,” Steve made another face, “I hated that stuff and the others were not really into it. Natasha did it sometimes but she said that she wasn’t suited to it – not sure why. Rhodes always refused since he was active military and Sam and Wanda didn’t want the attention. Vision was – well, he was Vision. But, no, Tony didn’t _lie_ , as far as I know; there were times he didn’t tell the whole truth or told it in a particular way. He called it ‘controlling the narrative’.”

“Maybe what Tony meant was explaining your side of the story. Remember that people can’t look at your actions and understand your motivations; you have to use words to tell them. Maybe what Tony did was explaining to everyone affected why you were doing what you were doing. And a lot of people were affected by the Avengers’ actions. How could Tony have communicated with all those people other than through the media? When you are an organization that impacts the lives of others, you need to tell them why you’re doing what you’re doing. Which Avenger did the press after Lagos?”

After a moment, Dr. Bortich pressed, “Did anyone from the Avengers do press after Lagos? People died; there must have been a lot of questions about what happened.”

“There were people at the Compound who dealt with the press – support people. A couple of them talked to me and I filled them in on the terrorist attack we were trying to stop.” Steve offered.

“So, none of the people involved in the incident spoke to the press or to anyone else? And you didn’t think that as leader of the Avengers that you should talk anyone through your thought process?”

“Ross showed up with the Accords and then everything happened.”

“Steve,” this was said in a particular tone that Steve had learned meant the he had to pay attention to the question and think carefully before answering, “did you ever plan to speak to anyone outside the Avengers about what happened in Lagos? There must have been demands for explanations after so many people died and the Avengers were the only people who had the answers.”

Steve fought not to squirm in his chair, “No, I didn’t.  We stopped a terrorist attack – why isn’t that enough?” The moment the words were out of his mouth, Steve knew that the statement was a problem.

Dr. Bortich just looked at him for a moment and then said, “Stephen Covey once said, ‘We judge ourselves by our intentions, but others by their actions.’ He was talking about the fact that we can’t know what others were thinking. Steve, no one outside of your head knows what your intentions were so they are going to judge you on your actions – that’s all they have. Part of the responsibility of a leader is to communicate to both their followers and others affected by their actions what the thoughts behind the actions were. That isn’t ‘doing nothing’ Steve.”

“So, you agree with Sam?”

“That as the leader of the Avengers, you had an obligation to know about things like the Accords and to communicate effectively with the rest of the world? Definitely. Sam was right to say that you should have set something up when Tony Stark said that he was leaving. I don’t think you could have stopped the Accords, but at least you and those who trusted you to lead wouldn’t have been blindsided with them. But, Steve, keeping informed about what is going on and communicating with others about your actions is only part of the responsibility of leadership. And, you do have a problem with taking responsibility.”

“I see what you mean about communication and I admit that I should have paid more attention to what was happening in politics, but I’m really just a…”

“Steve, do not say that you are just a little guy from Brooklyn! That is an example of not taking responsibility. You are fine with making decisions as the leader of the Avengers, but you seem to have problems accepting the consequences of those decisions – like facing people when they ask uncomfortable questions about your actions.”

“I don’t think that’s fair!” Steve protested.

“Steve, during our discussions, you have repeatedly said that ‘you didn’t have a choice’ and that other people ‘forced you’ into some action. Those are all constructs that allow you to escape responsibility for your choices. By saying you had no choice, you are essentially saying that you can’t be held responsible for your actions and their consequences. You need to consider this behavior and deal with it as it is enormously destructive to your relationships and happiness.”

Steve, to his credit, thought about this for a while and then asked, “Can we talk through an example?”

“Alright, why don’t you pick one.”

“How about the airport? I don’t really see what I could have done except fight. Tony wasn’t going to listen to me. I tried to tell him about the Winter Soldiers and he just wouldn’t listen.”

“Well, let’s game this out. If you had all put down your weapons, do you think the situation might have calmed and everyone would be more open to hearing you? The tension at the airport was really high and that’s not generally the best environment for communicating complicated information.”

“He wouldn’t have listened and they would have killed or imprisoned Bucky and the others!”

“Well, if there was no fight, I am not sure what Clint or Wanda or Scott could have been imprisoned for – in fact, no one would have known that Scott was even there. It isn’t illegal to get off a plane at an airport. And, as it happened, Tony did listen to what you were saying since he investigated. If you had not fought at the airport, maybe you could have gotten him to listen 20 minutes or so sooner?”

“Well, he…”

“Steve, I am not saying that everyone else made good decisions, or bad ones for that matter. I am trying to point out that you _made a choice_. You were not helpless and backed into a corner; there were other options. That means that you need to take responsibility for that choice. If you think it is the right one or not, the consequences of that decision are yours to own.”

There was silence after that. Dr. Bortich watched the micro expressions of Steve’s face quietly. The super soldier always needed to time to think through new ideas. His natural rigidity made it difficult for him to assimilate new emotional or intimate concepts quickly. After about 5 minutes, Steve spoke again, “So you think I was wrong at the airport?”

“I think you made a choice at the airport and you need to take responsibility for that choice and accept your share in the consequences that followed. And some of those consequences were significant – for example, the injury to Colonel Rhodes.” Steve paled at that and Dr. Bortich continued on steadily, “Obviously, you didn’t make all the decisions and can’t take responsibility for everything that happened, but you are responsible for a significant part of it. You were making decisions and giving orders at that airport, just as in Lagos, so the consequences are also your responsibility. For next time, I want you to pick a situation where you think you had no choice but to take a certain action and then think through what might have happened if you had done something else. Work out the consequences and how responsible you are for them. Steve, you are a moral person and morality lies not just in making moral decisions, but in accepting the consequences of those decisions.”


	9. Something I Never Thought I Would Have To Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Dr. Bortich talk about the lie.
> 
> This one took forever to write! I hope that it works but even Dr. Bortich was getting frustrated by the end of it.

_Tony,_

_I’m glad you’re back at the compound, I don’t like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. I’ve been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere – even in the Army. My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. And I’m happy to say for the most part, they haven’t let me down. Which is why I can’t let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but – maybe they shouldn’t. I know I hurt you Tony. I guess I thought – by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but… I can see now I was really sparing myself. I’m sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand. I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you were only doing what you believe in, and that’s all any of us can do, it’s all any of us should. So no matter what, I promise if you — if you need us. If you need me, I’ll be there._

_Steve_

The therapist looked up from the text, “So this is the letter that you sent Tony Stark?” Steve nodded and Dr. Bortich read the letter through again. “You know, Steve, this isn’t actually a full apology.”

“Why not?” Steve asked, confused, “I said I was sorry and I tried to explain why.”

“Well, there are elements to an apology that need to be present if you want it to be sincere. And there are several of those missing here. If this is what you sent to Tony Stark, I am not surprised that he hasn't contacted you. The elements of an apology are generally held to be:

  1. A clear “I am sorry” statement
  2. An expression of regret for what happened
  3. An acknowledgement that social norms or expectations were violated
  4. An empathy statement that acknowledges the effects of your actions on the other person
  5. A request for forgiveness



Many people would also say that you need to offer to make some kind of amends. But there are many actions for which there can’t be recompense and this is probably one of those situations. However, you do expressly say that you are sorry and you admit you hurt him. Although, I will say there is a lot of justifications in this letter. And you don’t really say what norms and expectations you violated; it almost reads like you’re apologizing for being selfish?”

“No, I was apologizing for not telling him about his parents! And I did say that.”

“You didn’t say that you were wrong to conceal the truth about his parents from him in this letter. You wrote that you thought you were protecting him but that you were actually protecting yourself and that one day he might understand…that you were protecting yourself? And I have no idea what the whole first part of the letter is about or why you would put down that you have always been rewarded by your trust in individuals while writing an apology to someone whose trust you violated?”

“I wanted to explain why Bucky was so important to me. To explain that I wasn’t trying to hurt Tony…” There was a frustrated silence in the room.

“Steve, why don’t you lay out for me exactly what you think you need to apologize to Tony for? No justifications, let’s just concentrate on what the wrongs are in your mind.”

“Well, I didn’t tell him that I had reason to believe that his parents were actually murdered and that I suspected that the Winter Soldier had killed them. And,” here Steve slowed a bit, “I guess that because I didn’t tell him, he found out the way he did?”

“OK, so what were the wrongs?”

“I’m not sure what you mean?”

“Well, normally you need to apologize because you violated a social norm or expectation. For example, in your case, what expectations did Tony have of you that you violated?”

“I didn’t tell him about his parents’ murder.” Steve answered, but he was hesitant.

“You seem a little unsure about this?”

“I guess I’m not sure if that’s the problem? I mean, it was horrible that he found out that way, but…” Steve trailed off, feeling a little frustrated that he was having trouble articulating what he meant.

There was a pause. Then the therapist spoke, “Steve, do you think that you were wrong to conceal the murder of the Starks?” Before Steve could answer, he added, “Aside from _how_ Tony found out. Independent of what happened in Siberia, did it occur to you that your concealment was a problem by itself?”

“It wasn’t Bucky’s fault; he was controlled!”

“That may be true, but I don’t see how that makes concealing a murder a good moral choice. I mean, someone was responsible for the murders; if it wasn’t Bucky, then the people who sent him. Didn’t your actions in concealing the murders help that person or persons and isn’t that a violation of social expectations? We generally expect our friends to not help or protect people who kill our family members and that…is not something I ever thought I would have to point out to someone.”

Steve stared at Dr. Bortich as he turned over this thought in his mind, “I guess I don’t see how my concealing the murder helped anyone, except me and Bucky. I don’t want him to be punished for something he wasn’t responsible for.”

“But if no one knows there was a murder and no one investigates it, then the people who orchestrated the killing are also being protected, aren’t they? That’s why it is illegal to conceal knowledge of a crime, because it benefits the perpetrator of the crime.”

“But it was such a long time ago! They, the people who ordered it, probably aren’t even alive anymore.”

“You can’t know that, Steve. I know that you were protecting Bucky, but you have to face the fact that you were also protecting whoever ordered him to kill the Starks.” There was another silence, although this one seemed full of uncomfortable silences and nasty truths. Dr. Bortich continued when Steve showed no sign of speaking, “Steve, I need you to really think about what you did here from Tony’s point of view. You lied by omission about a truth that deeply affected him and you aided the murderers of his parents – if not Bucky, then the people who sent him. That’s a pretty big violation of trust. And, by your own admission, you did it for your own convenience.”

“You think I was wrong.”

“I think that concealing a murder is always illegal and almost always immoral. And that lying to someone who trusts you is a violation of that trust and rarely turns out well.”

“But Buck…” Steve starts, but the therapist interrupted him.

“Steve, you can’t make the murder of the Starks all about Bucky. Two people died and their son was orphaned and those people are as important as Bucky. Maybe not emotionally to you, but morally they should be. I understand that it makes you very uncomfortable to consider that your friend Bucky was killing people for 70 years against his will, but you can’t minimize those crimes because they ruin your internal narrative about Bucky. Let’s try an empathy exercise - let’s say that the whole situation with the Accords and Siberia never happens and Tony doesn’t find out about the murders. What do you think would have happened?”

Steve was a little surprised by the change in topic, but he goes with it, “I would eventually find Buck and help him.”

“OK, how would that happen?” Seeing Steve looking confused, Dr. Bortich prompted him, “Buck would come live with you while getting therapy?”

“Yeah, I wanted him to be with me and maybe join the Avengers.”

“Okay, so Buck comes to live with you at the Compound and gets help. Since Tony was paying for the Compound and giving you a salary, he would be paying for all of this, either directly or indirectly?”

“I guess…”

“OK – does that seem right to you? Does that seem like a situation that Bucky would be comfortable with? And does it seem like a situation that Tony would be comfortable with?”

“But Tony wouldn’t know!”

“But Bucky would. So do you think he would be comfortable with it?”

“No” this was grudging.

“Can you articulate why not?”

Steve knew that his gut reaction that Buck wouldn’t be comfortable was right, but it was difficult to figure out why not. Or maybe… it wasn’t difficult; it was very uncomfortable, like a lot of these exercises. Dr. Bortich had told Steve when they started that empathy was often uncomfortable and Steve could certainly confirm that now. So, why was he so sure that Bucky wouldn’t live off Tony? “He feels responsible for what the Winter Soldier did to a certain extent. I’ve told him he wasn’t but he says that it wasn’t like Loki. More like Natasha.” And he could hear Bucky’s voice saying, “If she was able to break out, then I could've and I _did_ when I saw your punk face. And if I did then, then I could've earlier and that is on me.”

“So Bucky would feel that it was wrong for him to live off of Tony even if Tony was ignorant of Bucky’s involvement?” Steve nodded and the therapist went on, “I think you’re right. We don’t ask victims of crimes to support the people who commit those crimes, even if the perpetrator wasn’t responsible. For example, did you read about the attempted assassination of President Regean?” Steve nodded. “Well, Hinkley was judged not guilty as he was not mentally competent at the time of the attack. Would you expect the Regean family to be responsible for supporting Hinkley in his recovery?”

“No, that would be…cruel. And what I did to Tony was cruel too. I just thought about what I wanted. I didn’t really consider anyone else – I didn’t even really think of Bucky.”

“Steve, this is another example of where empathy could have helped you. If you had thought about how this might affect Bucky and Tony, you might have made better choices. For next time, I want you to rewrite this letter, keeping in mind everything we discussed today, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to have these sketches be somewhat related to each other. For example, Tony not telling Steve about the Accords earlier and Steve refusing to pay attention to politics so he would know about the Accords. I hope that came through.
> 
> However, looking back at the movie, there were two actions that seemed to me to be inexcusable. One of them was Tony Stark taking a 15 -year-old out of the country to a superhero throw down without his guardian's knowledge or permission. The second one was Steve Rogers concealing the murder of the Starks. You can give a lot of reasons for both of these actions, but, to me, they are both indefensible on purely moral grounds.


End file.
